At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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