I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize