is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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