that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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