The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
sarcasm needs its own font
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
