Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
