my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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