Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize