Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
