I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
