I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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