if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
