At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Randomize
