Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
