he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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