her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
