I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
