My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
