between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
