Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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