A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
pray to the hookup gods
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
