I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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