I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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