her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
we're so committed to being not committed
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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