Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Dear god my vagina.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
