Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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