She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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