I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
