she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize