And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
