I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
