Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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