oh god the rape fog is back!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
