I'm jealous of your bromance
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize