Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
There's always time for handjobs
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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