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There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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