when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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