You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
