It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Bring me that man meat
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
