she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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