More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
