i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
