Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
