so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I believe in your delicious
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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