somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Someone came in the potted fern
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
