Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
