dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
