my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
