Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
