Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
