Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
