last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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