I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I got her a Nickelback box set.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
