are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
