My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
