You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
