Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
