Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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