I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
