i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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