p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
