Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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