: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
