They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
