whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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