so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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