I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
