i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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