end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
