Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
