the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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