is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
